9. HOW DO WE TALK THE TALK?

all great cultures have had a vital informal public life (oldenburg xi). this life thrived in "third places" where people could gather, put aside the concerns of work and home, and enjoy good company and conversation (oldenburg). ancient rome had bath houses. renaissance italy had piazzas. most of europe has gardens, pubs, cafes. and america has malls. young people, according to sociologist ray oldenburg, spend more time in shopping malls than they do in any place beyond home and school; especially in suburbia, there is "no other place for them to go" (280). this is an issue. another issue is that america's few existing gathering spots lack the characteristic "third place" space. this space, quite basically, is open. thus the resolution is equally basic: let's open some space!

open space, in this sense, is more psychological than physical. it's a way of thinking and talking that expands peoples' sense -- and consequent realization -- of possibility. as writer and activist ann weiser explains, "there's a role for open space meetings because whatever the world is changing into has never been here before, and the only wisdom we have about how to be in it is fuzzy, unclear, and uncertain. what is clearest in us is likely to be the old forms, the old wisdom, with defined outlines and familiar words. so we need a style for coming together that lets us honor and listen to what is new in each of us. we need to give each other time to find what is new and unclear and uncertain, and slowly put it into words, words that will sound strange at first as we forge new understandings."

indeed, many people are already forging new understandings via collaborative conversations. multiple national and international organizations, for example, host commonplace gatherings with the specific purpose of progressive dialog. better yet, these organizations also teach people how to incorporate such dialog into their daily lives -- into their most mundane yet momentous interactions. these organizations, to name a few, include the world cafe, let's talk america, socrates cafe, and pioneers of change. as juanita brown, co-founder of the world cafe, asserts, "it is still my deepest belief that it is through conversations around questions that matter that powerful capacities for evolving caring community, collaborative learning, and committed action are engaged -- at work, in communities, and at home" (2). conversations that cause change, most basically, are those that create open space -- in whichever place!

positive change, according to futurist and conversation facilitator robert theobald, must be pervasive yet convenient; in his words, "society needs to develop communication patterns which demand as little time and effort from people as possible... most profound personal change takes place in fact-to-face encounters" (theobald). currently such encounters, theobald continues, are by default "designed for the exchange of information and data rather than rethinking fundamental assumptions." we see others and automatically ask "how are you? what'd you do last weekend? where'd you get that shirt?" but automatic conversation, just like all automatic behavior, is preventable by a simple practice: mindfulness! only by opening to the experience of conversation -- by actively paying attention to our selves and others as we listen and talk -- can we do so effectively. this opening of ourselves, in effect, opens space; it frees the room necessary for more dynamic, meaningful -- and truly progressive -- interaction.

certain conditions are much more conducive to conversation than others. such conditions are not difficult, though they are necessary. according to theobald, "the central requirement for open space activities is a willingness to listen to those with whom we disagree" (theobald). as he explains, "the only intolerable behavior today is intolerance. we are all familiar with the 'cliche debate' where each side advances its view without being willing to give an inch. we need to look at the strengths of the other side's position and the weaknesses of our own so that we can discover the new perceptions in which we can move beyond today's sterile arguments. to do this, we must enable people to think 'heretical' thoughts in safe (open) spaces" (weiser). tolerance, in this sense, is far from passive; it actually encourages dissidence.

encouraging dissidence does not entail arguing for argument's sake. instead it involves increasing the diversity and density of connections among perspectives (brown). the world cafe does this especially well. it intentionally invites people from different backgrounds; splits such people into small groups of 3-5; and instructs these groups to repeatedly re-organize (brown). when groups switch, each person briefly recaps what he/she has discussed in previous conversations and then an additional dialog begins from there. as host emmett miller explains, "usually in a group we get into our roles. we polarize or focus on our little corner of the whole topic or question. but in a cafe conversation, when you move to the next table, even if you come with your own 'position,' you can't get stuck there because you're asked to bring your whole table's key ideas about the question to the next conversation" (brown 111). the world cafe, in other words, helps participants to move away from a confining, certain sense of self and into a spaciousness where new ideas can reveal themselves.

the revelation of new ideas among groups is often called collective wisdom. as writer and management consultant margaret wheatley notes, "it is the realm of collective intelligence, of the wisdom we possess as a group that is unavailable to us as individuals. this wisdom emerges as we get more and more connected with each other, as we move from conversation to conversation, carrying the ideas from one conversation to another, looking for patterns, suddenly surprised by an insight we all share. there's a good scientific explanation for this, because this is how all of life works... we humans got confused and lost sight of this remarkable process by which individual actions, when connected, lead to much greater capacity" (brown xii). this capacity, however, is still very accessible -- and not just during world cafes. as scientist and organization leader peter senge explains, "the world cafe is not a technique. it is an invitation into a way of being with one another that is already part of our nature" (brown 218).

we are, for instance, always switching tables -- always moving between small groups of people at work, grocery stores, social gatherings, etc. likewise, we are always asking questions. christopher phillips, the founder of socrates cafe, facilitates numerous public conversations with the intent of, like socrates, revitalizing the human love of questions. at a tea room in san francisco, he and about fifty voluntary gatherers once discussed the question "why question?" in recounting this experience, phillips recalls one of his own remarks: "i don't really think there's much difference in having a dialogue in public, like socrates cafe, and the inner dialogue that we have with ourselves much of the time... i bet you ask yourself questions all the time... i bet you don't realize how often you question who you are, who you want to be, and try to come up with a number of 'answers'" (30). good conversation, in this sense, is simply thinking with others. and why think? why question? because questions, without a doubt, open us to more knowledge, wisdom, and, well, questions.

finite answers, on the other hand, can impose limits -- impede conversation. recognizing this, one regular socrates cafe-goer once asked, "doesn't it seem like if we did nothing else the entire evening but ask one question after another, we might reveal more about who we are than if we tried to answer any one of them?" (28). indeed, the questions are the answer -- if they are questions worth asking. according to theobald, "our society is still coming up with super-sophisticated answers to super-obsolete questions: the task today is to discover the new questions" (theobald). likewise writer suzi gablik points out, "the question is no longer how did we get here and why? but where can we possibly go, and how?" (ray 236). new questions enable new possibilities, and new possibilities enable new culture. indeed, the first place we can go, gablik continues, "is toward sustaining a new culture" -- a culture of questioning (ray 236).

in a culture of questioning, no one explicitly chooses the new questions. instead, they simply arise naturally. as senge notes, a conversation that "fails to center on questions that have real heart and meaning becomes a mechanical process of people talking and moving and reporting back. it fails to generate energy and excitement for the same reason that most organizations fail to generate energy -- the questions simply do not compel their commitment and imagination" (brown 219). having said that, senge points out the such failure rarely happens during open, free, cafe-style conversations. "why?" he continues. "could it be that, when left on their own in a conducive environment, people naturally gravitate toward questions that matter? that they naturally do not waste their time on things that are unimportant? perhaps authentic conversation often fails to occur in organizations because we believe we lack the permission to focus on what truly matters to us, or because we are actually kept from doing so?" (brown 219). good conversation, it seems, fails to occur in life at large because we don't open the space -- the space in which we, together, can ask question after question, consider possibility after possibility.

anyone can create open space anywhere. or, better yet, everyone can create it everywhere! soccer moms can do so on the sidelines; students can do so during study breaks; working professionals can do so at the water cooler; etc. we, as a diverse yet dynamic people, must begin exploring the utter un-answer -- must begin engaging in life in order to find more life. according to biologist humberto maturana, ""history follows the path of our desires" (brown 219). the purpose of a culture of questioning, then, is to "let loose the true desires of the larger whole" (brown 220).

america's desire, most basically, is revitalization. to get more life we must ask for more life; we must ask each other, over and over, with an ever-open openness. this is talking the talk. thus, like poet rainer maria rilke, "i would like to beg you... to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. and the point is to live everything. live the questions now. perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer" (rilke).